Parents and Teachers: The Joy of Family Engagement

I was shocked to learn that Ms. G. sent the first LinkedIn connection request for any of my parent/teacher relationships, and I was surprised she took the initiative to communicate with me. Her son, T., was beginning his senior year of high school. I will never forget her as an involved parent with high expectations for her son, and her approach to motherhood taught me the significance of the saying, “It takes a village to raise a child.”

I met Ms. G. three years ago at her son’s 9th grade Individualized Education Program (IEP) meeting. While she was attentive to my proposal for her son’s educational plan for the year, she had her own goals for him and made it clear that she did not like my recommendations. I suggested that T.’s annual goals shift to focusing more on the skills he needed to reach his postsecondary aspiration of becoming a truck driver. Ms. G. simply stated, “This is unacceptable to me. He is in ninth grade and should be reading on a ninth-grade level before we focus on anything else.” My attempts to help shift Ms. G’s focus towards preparing T. for his goal of becoming a truck driver were unsuccessful.

The differing roles between a teacher and a parent were clearer than ever. We both supported T.’s future goal of becoming a truck driver; however, as a supportive teacher with a different perspective, I suggested using T.’s interest in truck driving to improve his reading abilities. Helping T. required me to teach his family the significance of his independence.

Although we are more commonly known for our work with students, teachers help guide families through the transition of releasing parental guidance to independence.

T. was a student in my unique ninth-grade academic support class. There were several students in the class whose mothers had passed away, including sisters who lost their mom two weeks before starting the school year. I connected with the Carolina Family Engagement Center and committed to researching positively influencing parent engagement in student career planning. Despite disagreements, parents like Ms. G. participated in activities that helped make my initiatives successful. My students were motivated to succeed because they had their parents’ support and attention. While I am grateful for the opportunity to impact my student’s success, I’m curious about having a greater impact if allowed to guide students at a younger age. Realizing the opportunity to support young students’ career interests through adolescence is a rewarding journey in teaching and parenting. 

Overall, my commitment to the Carolina Family Engagement Center led to more positive communications with parents about their children’s goals, and students were more focused on their academic performance.

My conversations with students and families helped me assess the amount of family time, parental knowledge, and level of independence within each family I served. While some parents accepted my feedback, I realized conversations with parents like Ms. G. were productive for students and families. As a parent, asking my daughter’s teacher questions about her feedback, while uncomfortable, allowed us to have mutual understanding and develop common goals. The same was true for my relationship with Ms. G., and she knew T clearly well, but my communication with her seemed to cause conflict between her and T. at home.

While my class had many discussions with T. about the powerful, positive impact and influence of engaged parents, he did not agree that his mom’s involvement helped him in any way. However, being a mother gave me the opportunity to understand the challenges of parenting and the difficult balance required in teaching independence.

Although I was a fairly new mom, my daughter and I shared many pivotal experiences in her first six years of life. Among other events, her tumultuous birth involved life-threatening moments for both of us, including my having a stroke. As a result, I understood what it felt like to have a disability, have your independence stripped due to a disability, care for someone with a disability, and feel disappointment when you expected to be celebrating.

T.’s family was avoiding the inevitable turning point in parenting: teaching independence. Teaching independence is a very difficult transition when a parent doesn’t allow a child to fail. Therefore, my response to our parent-teacher conflict was guided by my belief that there are many lessons learned directly and indirectly through all life experiences.  Ultimately, challenging situations shape people into becoming wiser. Ms. G. needed time to adjust and to accept the reality that T. was growing up, and he wasn’t going to achieve everything she wanted him to on her schedule.

While Ms. G and I never completely agreed, we maintained mutual respect for our unique perspectives, our parent-teacher relationship, and our dedication to T.  

By the end of that school year, I reached the conclusion that schools consist of public servants. Public servants, driven by awareness and respect, are a part of the village that every parent hopes to build for their families. Although the year started with my overzealous approach to supporting my daughter through first grade, I soon realized that parents’ influence is limited. Ultimately, teachers hoping to make an impact, like my daughter’s teacher and myself, become a part of the child’s village.

Accepting Ms. G.’s LinkedIn request confirmed she learned the significance of independence and the meaning of “a village.” I thanked her for reaching out to me and wished her and T. well in his senior year of high school. Ms. G. replied, “Yes ma’am. It is a long road, but he is slowly getting back on track. Thank you for everything that you have done. It’s truly appreciated.” Her gratitude was a warm confirmation which taught me that many people contribute to a child’s development and celebrate their success.

Being a part of a village is not limited to teachers, it involves everyone fulfilling their purpose and role. Since we all have a purpose, it is imperative to your village and yourself that you fulfill it.